First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
