If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
