ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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