She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
