Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
