I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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