So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
