The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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