Swine flu. Run for my life!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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