you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
