I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
