He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
