there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
