You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
