Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
