there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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