After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
