Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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