Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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