Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So here I am, sexting at work.
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