Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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