I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
