I CAN MOONWALK!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
