she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
