So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
