We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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