just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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