Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
