Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
