I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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