my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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