try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
