all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
