Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
