You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
