Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
