so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
two words: eviction party
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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