Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
