pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
