Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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