I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
