She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
