I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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