i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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