i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
