When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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