he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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