I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
