I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
