Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
