there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You took a bar mat shot.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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