Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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