Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
